PGA Academy Awards
February 25, 2013
By Dan Daly
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A few quick thoughts first.
The WGC Match Play event used to be the best tournament of the year outside of the Majors…at least the first few rounds anyway. And then they went and totally ruined it by moving it to that horrible course (voted the second worst course on tour by PGA players) in the middle of the desert….where it frickin’ snows every other year. Really? Are Florida and California really out of courses you can play this time of year? I may be forced to start a Twitter campaign. #savematchplay
Congrats to Kucher. Literally hundreds of people watched on TV while dozens more soaked in the beautiful freezing, windy day in the desert in the middle of nowhere to watch you win in person.
I think it’s safe to say that Rory and his new equipment/ball are officially off to a very rocky start. I also think it’s safe to say that with the GDP of Anguilla in his bank account as a result, he isn’t losing any sleep over the decision.
Tiger, you have been playing Nike equipment for years…what’s your excuse? The guy openly admitted to the Golf Channel that he was your personal bitch on the golf course. If Earl were still alive…
I believe the USGA commercial goes, ‘True we didn’t give birth to golf but for the last 100 years we have been its legal guardian’. Well, today Tim Finchem said: "The USGA notified us several months ago about their intention to put forward a proposal to essentially change the rule as it relates to what a stroke is...
Essentially, where the PGA Tour came down was that they did not think that banning anchoring was in the best interest of golf or the PGA Tour.”
Let me translate; Tim Finchem basically just told the USGA that they suck as parents and if they impose their stupid new rule the PGA is going to run away from home.
Jimmie Johnson won the Daytona 500 while Danica Patrick went from 1st to 8th. Ron Burgundy met her at the finish line and said “I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.”
I saw baseball scores on the SportsCenter ticker today. Seriously? Already? Please make it stop.
Finally, in honor of the Academy Awards Sunday night I have come up my own list of PGA Tour Oscar winners:
Best Actress in a Supporting Role - Paulina Gretzky in a landslide. Dustin Johnson may have forgotten how to play golf the last month but you would too if you girlfriend looked like this and the 26 additional pictures at the bottom (you’re welcome)
Best Actor in a Supporting Role - Jeff “Squeeky” Medlen. 1991 PGA Championship…as if I needed to clarify that.
Best Original Song – Please.
Best Sound Editing – Whoever the guy is at NBC in charge of Johnny Miller’s microphone.
Best Actor in a Leading Role – FIGJAM Mickelson for acting like he skipped the Match Play event to spend the week with his kids when he really just sucked at the event every year so he doesn’t want to play in it.
Best Actress in a Leading Role – Annika Sorenstam…because it’s the only female golfer I have ever heard of.
Best Picture – Hello Friends…CBS…56 minutes of every hour of golf coverage… April…JD/Hooters Parking lot on Washington Ave…Spring…the most beautiful 365 acres on the planet…Azalea’s…
Best Original Story – The Boo Weekley 2007 PGA press conference. It doesn’t get any more “original” than this guy.
Best Foreign Language Film - Miguel Ángel Jiménez. Basically just everything he does is awesome.
Best Worst Costume Design – It’s a four way tie between Rickie Fowler’s Thursday outfit, Rickie Fowler’s Friday outfit, Rickie Fowler’s Saturday outfit and you guessed it, Rickie Fowler’s Sunday outfit.
Best Director - Frank Chirkinian. Nominated twice; first for his 40 years as director/producer of the Masters for CBS, and second for his vital role playing himself in ‘Tin Cup’.
Best Documentary Feature – This is the story of a man who was married, yet banged every hooker and cocktail waitress in North America, forgot to hide his burner phone the night of Thanksgiving, got chased down the street with a 9-iron by his wife (“allegedly”), drove into a group of hedges, a fire hydrant and a tree all within two blocks of his house at 2:30 in the morning, went to the hospital, got a divorce and lived happily ever after. This film is Rated NC-17.
Best Original Score – Elin Nordegren. She scored a 21,000 square feet house, a little over $100Million, custody of the kids AND sympathy from every house wife in North America.
Best Visual Effects – Please refer back to Best Actress in a Supporting Role.
Until Next Week,