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Rory shows soft side -- again

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Editor’s Note: Be sure to follow Dan Daly's spontaneous and entertaining comments on VegasInsider.com and Twitter@_dandaly

With his new contract, Joe Flacco is now the highest paid player in NFL history.  Yeah, let that one soak in for a second.  SMH
 
Congrats to Michael Thompson for winning the Honda Classic.  However since 99% of the people reading this couldn’t pick him out of a one man line-up I thought I would hit on a few other details from the weekend. 
 
Rookie Luke Guthrie showed more stones than the world's best player at the Honda.
Rookie Luke Guthrie showed more stones than the world's best player at the Honda. (Getty Images)

Obviously the biggest story from PGA National this week happened on Friday…when rookie Luke Guthrie fired a second round 63 to take the 36-hole lead. 
 
With the ever popular Luke Guthrie taking the 36-hole lead you may not have heard about another story that broke Friday morning with a much less heralded golfer by the name of Rory Vagina McIlroy.  It really didn’t make much news but I thought I would give you my thoughts anyway. 
 
To recap, Rory was 234-over par thru 8 holes Friday morning when all of the sudden he walked off the course and straight to his car. When ask by reporters in the parking lot why he was such a quitter Rory said, "I'm not in a great place mentally. I can't really say much, guys. I'm just in a bad place mentally.'' I’m sorry….WHAT????    
 
Quickly realizing that “excuse” was not going to fly with the PGA, or anyone else on the planet for that matter, he then did something that I didn’t think was possible; he actually came up with an ever bigger douchebag explanation for walking off the course.  Saying, "I sincerely apologize. I have been suffering with a sore wisdom tooth, which is due to come out in the near future. It began bothering me again last night, so I relieved it with Advil. It was very painful again this morning, and I was simply unable to concentrate.”
 
I’m sorry, obviously I misread the above quote because I know there is no possible way on God’s green Earth that you just said you WD from the Honda because of a toothache?  Tiger won the effing US Open with a broken leg and Bay Hill with food poisoning; you mean to tell me you couldn’t suck it up for two more hours, post you 94 and try again next week. What a complete loser.  
 
Clearly what Rory meant to say after his round was “I sincerely apologize. I have been suffering with my conscience lately, which is due to the fact that I sold my soul to Nike for $200M and now I can’t seem to make a cut. It began bothering me again last night, so I relieved it by buying myself an Island. However after going Roy McAvoy on 16 and 18 I was simply unable to concentrate so I quit because I am a vagina.”
 
While it wasn’t quite as bad a PR move as Tiger banging the entire Western Hemisphere, it certainly isn’t going to go well for Rory either.  
 
As for the rest of the field that wasn’t suffering from menstrual cramps…
 
I’m not sure which Deer Blind he has been hiding out in the last three years but having Boo Weekley back on the PGA Tour makes me so happy.  Not only was he right there in the mix going into the weekend, he also took care of a small water moccasin (which are very poisonous) by casually picking the thing up with the end of his driver and dumping it into a canal.  He didn’t stop there though. On 15 with a gator swimming next to him in the lake Boo started “Gator Calling” while he was walking down the fairway. Sure, that’s perfectly normal.  Dude is pure gold on so many levels. 
 
Camilo Villegas lead after the first round.  Camilo Villegas missed the cut.  That is actually quite impressive.   
 
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I saw a tweet Thursday that said, ‘Tiger removes his clothes on No.6 at PGA National.’ Obviously I just assumed he ran into a stripper and they went behind the grandstands for a few minutes.  Turns out he played a shot out of the water hazard.  My version was much more exciting.   
 
Watching NBC interview Barbara Nicklaus about her charity, I couldn’t help but rewind 50 years and wonder if she used to post Instagram pictures similar to Paulina Gretzky?  I’m going with yes. 
 
Finally, I would like to address a growing problem on the PGA Tour.  These incredibly cheesy and unnecessary three-hole nicknames. I cannot emphasize how lame and over used these things are and the need to go away immediately. 

If I never hear the term “Bear Trap” again it will be just fine with me. Then we have Quail Hollow Club that has “The Green Mile” which is 16, 17 and 18.  And probably the dumbest of them all, the “Horrible Horseshoe” at the Colonial.  This is hands down the worst; first because the name alone is so stupid, but also because it is the third, fourth and fifth holes on the course.  Seriously, you have a nickname for three holes that are kind of at the beginning of the round?  Are all of these horrible names based on really hard golf holes that happen to be back to back to back?  Sure. But do they really need a lame nickname to go with them that the media can beat to death?  Absolutely not.
 
Most importantly though, it is a total and complete mockery to the most glorious three hole stretch of golf on the planet, the exception to the rule, the original…Amen Corner. 
 
Until Next Week,
Dan Daly 

  
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