May 6, 2013
By Dan Daly
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Last week I said that the Quail Hollow tournament was "Hands down the best "second tier" tournament they play all year." And then over the course of the next seven days it turned out to be about as odd of a PGA Tour golf tournament as you will ever see.
If you look up the term Butterface on urbandictionary.com it reads, "A girl with an exceptionally hot body but an exceptionally ugly face. Everything but-her-face is attractive."
Well, that pretty much described the 2013 version of the Wells Fargo Championship at Quail Hollow Club this week. A golf course that was very attractive as usual from tee to green but my god were those greens ugly. They were the single worst greens I have ever seen. Not on the PGA Tour...ever. I've seen goat ranches with better looking greens than those things. I thought the greens that the Byron Nelson rolled out a few years ago would hold that title until the day I died, and then I turned on the TV Thursday afternoon and almost fell out of my chair. It was literally the first time in my entire life I ever regretted having HD. I realize it was entirely due to weather and agronomical issues, and they spent millions trying to fix them before the tournament but they would have been better served just putting tarps over them, cutting temporary greens in the fairways and played a glorified par 3 tournament.
It certainly explained why Tiger and several other top tier players chose to sit this one out. He clearly got pictures from his advance team, called Tim Finchem and said, "Sorry Tim, Tiger Woods doesn't play on greens that look like that…I'm out." (I just assume Tiger refers to himself in the third person in situations like that.)
As if the greens weren't bad enough, to pour a little more salt in the wound the sun rarely came out, and it was cold, windy and miserable most of the time. And then they get to Sunday with a stacked leaderboard but the weather was supposed to be even worse so they have to tee off so early that the tournament is over before CBS even comes on the air. At least With 'FIGJAM' Mickelson and Watney tied for the lead, and Westwood and Rory right behind them at least they were going to get a quality winner and possibly another playoff with top tier players.
Turns out there was one final surprise in store. Watney faded early and often, Westwood apparently decided to putt with his eyes closed, Rory's day ended when he shit the bed on number 12 and FIGJAM did his best Jim Furyk impression and snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in the closing five holes. But hey, at least they got their playoff. I mean who wasn't excited about seeing Derek Ernst, the 1,207th ranked player in the world, beat David Lynn in a playoff right?
Basically if you were to draw up a worst possible case scenario of how a PGA Tour golf tournament would play out from start to finish you saw it this week at Quail Hollow.
As far as your champion, the aforementioned Derek Ernst, don't feel bad if you have never heard of him either, David Lynn, the guy he beat in the playoff was ask about him after the round and said the same thing..."I've never heard of him." Ernst was the 4th alternate and the only reason he even got a spot was due to everyone bailing on the tournament because of crappy greens. He was in a car headed to Athens Georgia to play a Web.com Tour event when he got the phone call that there was a tee time for him at Quail Hollow. It's not quite John Daly getting into the PGA at Crooked Stick and winning (obviously) but it's pretty frickin' impressive.
As for the guy that should have won the tournament? When asked about what happened after th round, Mickelson said, "I'm pretty bummed out…there is just no excuse. I felt like I was in control, and I let it slip away there the last few holes, so it was disappointing."
Obviously he just got confused, what he meant to say was "I still am in shock that I did that. I just can't believe that I did that, I am such an idiot." #2006USOpen
At least he didn't blame the greens.
Switching gears quickly, if you have ever seen Caddyshack you will appreciate how great this invention is, and if you have never seen Caddyshack, what the hell is wrong with you?
I was also very disappointed to learn that it wasn't Elin Nordegren who called in the penalty on Tiger at Augusta. Instead it was some former rules official who clearly has way too much time on his hands.
Finally, on a personal note, I set a personal record this weekend playing 81 holes in 31 hours and just lifting my arms to type this is extremely painful. A quick shout out to the other members of my two day extravaganza, BA, LML and Dilly…screw Disneyland, WBCC is the greatest place on Earth.
Until Next Week,
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