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Responding to the Twitterverse

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Do yourself a favor on Sunday morning April 6th and tune into The Golf Channel at 8 a.m. ET for the inaugural Drive, Chip and Putt Championship National Finals live from the Masters. It should be pretty cool (especially if you have little ones at home). I mean, it's at Augusta right, it has to be cool. Also, good luck to my man Charles Warren who qualified for the 9 year old group. Qualifying for an event at The Masters (any event at The Masters) doesn't suck…especially if you are 9 years old. Make it rain Charles!

I watched about 90 seconds of the Valero Texas Open on Saturday and caught this golden nugget from Johnny Miller, "If every guy on the Tour played like him I would quit announcing" (Referring to Andrew Loupe's ridiculous pre-shot routine). However, I have a self-imposed ban when it comes to San Antonio that dates back to college, so for personal reasons I will not be covering the Valero Texas Open this week.

Instead, I thought I would answer some twitter/email questions this week that have built up since I started the Weekly Waggle. Welcome to the first ever Dan Daly Mailbag. I figured everyone else on the planet that writes a sports column does it, so why can't I? I went back and dug through old email's and twitter messages that people have sent me over the past year. As you will see, I have some really big fans!

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Q: U R a douche bag….u do realize that Phil has 5 majors and 41 wins right? Oh and ur fat u fa**ot.

A: This either came from a 13 year old or a 43 year old that still lives in his mom's basement. Either way, yes, I am very well aware of Phil's record. I didn't give him the nickname FIGJAM, the players on the Tour did. Take it up with them.

Q: Phil is an all-timer, how can you say Phil sux?

A: Apparently these two people live together in their mom's basement and need to take a spelling class together. In any case, I never said Phil "sux", in fact I think he is one of the top 10 players of all-time.

Q: Isn't it about time you quit hating on PHIL and get a clue. He is the best golfer in the last twenty years.

A: Ummmm….really?

Q: Hey Dumbass Dan, why are you always up Tiger's ass? Tiger is a flash in the pan, he sucks!

A: First of all, thank you so much for the kind words. I also think you might need to double check your definition of "flash in the pan".

Q: Dear Dan, Tiger is an a$$hole, why do you always write about him?

A: I could actually do the entire article on Tiger comments, but I think you get the point.

Q: You are such a pansy, how did you even get a job writing about golf?

A: I was unaware one had to do with the other?

Q: Do you even watch the golf tournaments you hack!

A: Shouldn't that be in the form of a question? Only the good ones.

Q: Are you an idiot? Roy McAvoy didn't really shoot a 62 in the US Open that was a movie!

A: Oh my gosh I feel so dumb now…thank you so much for clarifying that for me.

Q: You are such a loser you probably own multiple pairs of crocs.

A: Just one actually…for yard work.

Q: You suck as much as your alma mater.

A: Overall or in a specific sport?

Q: Are you the Dan Daly from the Washington Times?

A: No, I'm sure he is a much better writer and overall person than I am but I don't know who he is.

Q: Your golf columns are the absolute best. Do you write for any other websites? I'd love to read more.

A: I think you sent this to the wrong person by mistake? But no, only one website is dumb enough to let me write for them and I think they even question why most of the time.

Q: Why do you keep saying John Daly is going to win a PGA Tour event every year? The guy is a fat piece of sh*t that will never win again!

A: You bite your tongue sir! John Daly is an American hero and you are a fat piece of sh*t!

Q: Why do you hate Rickie Fowler so much?

A: I actually don't hate Rickie Fowler, I just think he dresses like a clown. But hey, at least he cut his hair and shaved his creepy porn stache.

Q: Why do you keep blaming DL III for losing the Ryder Cup, the players lost their matches that day, not DL III.

A: All DL III had to do was a take a knee that day and the clock runs out but he called a Hail Mary up 4 points (literally) from the 50 yard line on the last play of the game and it was intercepted and returned for a TD.

Q: Do you even play golf because you sure as sh*t can't write about it.

A: Never said I could, but thanks for reading my articles anyway.

Q: I would kick your ass on the golf course and in Golden Tee you loser.

A: Probably in Dungeons & Dragons as well.

Q: Furyk is 4th on the all-time money list, how can you say he is a choke artist? Be a reporter not a repeater.

A: Because I have two eyes and TV. And I never claimed to be a reporter…or a repeater.

Q: How can you like Johnny Miller? The guy is a total fu**ing moron.

A: Perhaps you weren't aware that he shot a final round 63 in '73 to win the US Open? Who's the moron now?

Q: Why don't you change your twitter handle to @wosrtgolfwriterontheinternet?

A: I don't know, that just seems a little long if you ask me.

Q: You seem to knock on every PGA golfer out there. So who's your favorite golfer Dan?

A: According to most people I am up Tiger Woods ass...but the short answer is whoever I bet on that week. Although currently you can sign me up for the Jordan Spieth bandwagon. I'm all on board.

Q: Why do always knock on Baseball? It's way more entertaining than golf.

A: In the words of the great Ron Burgundy...agree to disagree. Baseball is a whale's vagina.

Q: Are you this stupid all the time or just once a week when you write these terrible articles?

A: Articles...plural? So they are terrible but you keep reading? Thanks. Anyway, I checked with my wife and apparently it's all the time.

Q: Your NCAA picks suck as bad as your golf picks, do you know sh*t about both?

A: I think you mean either, but no, I don't.

Q: Why do we have sports on our TV 24/7…it's so annoying!

A: I love you too honey!

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write and tweet such encouraging feedback, I'm sorry I couldn't get to everyone.

Dan Daly

@_dandaly

  
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