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Fall Wedding Rules

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Editor’s Note: Be sure to follow Dan Daly's spontaneous and entertaining comments on VegasInsider.com and Twitter@_Dandaly

In honor of one of my favorite weekends of the year I went back in the archives for this week’s article: 
 
Every year around this time I learn about fall weddings that I am either invited to or that I am supposed to participate in.  I can not over emphasize how much this pains me. 
 
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Look, if you live in New York, Chicago, or L.A. this probably doesn’t apply to you; you don’t even know when college football or hunting season starts in the first place. However, if you live in Texas or anywhere in the south, this is one of, if not the most important topics I can discuss. 
 
It’s pretty simple actually, Labor Day weekend (aka The Texas New Year) signifies the start of the greatest season of the year.  From September through January there are only two things that matter, football and hunting.  Even though these are religious practices in the south, there are some people that still schedule their weddings at the same time.  This needs to stop immediately. There are 52 Saturdays every year, and roughly 24 of those are sacred.  Thus leaving you 28 other Saturdays to get married.  There is no need to overlap the two. 
 
Here is a list of excuses that I have heard over the years as to why people continue to break this rule...
 
We didn’t want to have a long engagement:
 
I care. 
 
Frankly this is on the groom.  Seriously, can you count backwards?  If so, this shouldn’t be a problem.  Before you propose, how hard is it to casually drop in the question of how long she expects to be engaged? 
 
“Honey, did you hear Frank and Jennie are getting married? They got engaged last week and are getting married in 9 months.”
 
“Oh really, you think that is too long to be engaged; you only want to be engaged for 7 months?” 
 
BAM...that tells you exactly when to propose.  Seven months you say?  Hmmm, if I want to get married between March and June, then I guess I better drop to a knee sometime between August and November.  This is not rocket science people.
 
This was the only time we could book the church:
 
Spare me. 
 
Maybe it was the only time that month you could book the church, but again, what the hell are you doing getting married that month to begin with?
 
To recap, there are roughly 28 Saturdays you can get married that do not conflict with football/hunting season…pick one of those.  I refuse to believe that there is a single church in this country that does not have an opening on one of those 28 Saturdays. 
 
We looked at the schedule of (insert Alma Mater here) and this was the best weekend:
 
Wrong answer.
 
If you had to even look at a football schedule, then you are getting married at the wrong time of the year to begin with.  Sure, said Alma Mater may be playing Middle Tennessee St. or North Texas that weekend but you know what, it is still a football game and there are only 12 a year so they all matter.  Don’t try and play God when it comes to college football and tell people what game does and does not matter because they all do.
 
And more importantly, just because your Alma Mater isn’t playing a “big game” that weekend doesn’t mean that college football decided to take the weekend off.  You probably just scheduled your wedding at the same time two top 10 teams are playing each other, and no one wants to miss that.  Not to mention it is still hunting season, so we could be in a dove field or a deer blind instead.  Neither of which are possible in the middle of May.
 
I’m not scheduling my wedding around football or hunting:
 
Well, you should.
 
Here is a newsflash for you. College football isn’t scheduling games around your wedding either.  And since roughly 80,000 to 105,000 people go to those games and several million more watch them on TV, I’m thinking that maybe you should defer to the masses on that one.  If not, you are left with a bunch of pissed off groomsmen and dads at the wedding reception.  Football and hunting season don’t, can’t and won’t change; they are at the same time every year, however your wedding date is up to you, so pick it wisely.  Pretty simple equation if you ask me. 
 
Well, if people don’t want to come then screw them, I don’t want them there anyway:
 
Easy Hitler. 
 
Most people don’t have a choice in this matter.  They are either in the wedding, married to someone in the wedding or get dragged there kicking and screaming.  Trust me, they don’t want to be there anymore than you don’t want them there, but unfortunately you left people no choice thanks to your brilliant planning.  There is a difference between not wanting to go and not having a choice but to attend.  They are there in spite of the date, not because they want to be. 
 
And my personal favorite...
 
People better not leave in the middle of my reception to go watch a stupid football game.
 
Stupid…really?  See above. 
 
Let me break this one down for you just in case you are still confused.  You don’t want people leaving your reception to watch a football game in the back room or at the bar across the street? DON’T SCHEDULE YOUR WEDDING DURING FOOTBALL SEASON! There is not a (normal) male on the planet that is going to miss a good football game, whether it is his Alma mater or just simply a great game to hang out at a wedding reception for the 100th time.  Despite the fact that it is “your” big day, it is just another wedding to every male there. It’s not personal at all, but since weddings come around more often than a Johnny Manziel autograph, they are going to choose the game every day of the week and twice on Saturday night.  Don’t like it...then don’t schedule your frickin’ wedding during football season or hunting season. 
 
Ever looked around at a wedding reception during a college football game and noticed that the number of females to males is roughly 10:1, well there is a reason for that.  And the few males that are actually still there are only there for one of two reasons, either they don’t watch college football in the first place (which makes them really weird) or they are so scared of their wife that they are too afraid to leave.  In either case, they live a very sad life and I feel sorry for them. 
 
Point is, if you are getting married in the south and you actually want people to attend your wedding then you need to make damn sure you don’t schedule it during football and hunting season.  Then again, if you can get 100,000 people to attend your wedding and put it on national TV, then by all means, go for it and please invite me, I would love to attend!   
 
Until Next Week,
Dan Daly 

  
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