The Masters was boring?
April 14, 2014
By Dan Daly
Editor's Note: Be sure to follow @_DanDaly on Twitter this golf season for his off-the-cuff remarks and entertaining commentary!
Pizza, Sex and the Masters…the only three things that are still good even when they’re bad. The 2014 Masters was like eating day-old DiGiorno Pizza with an ugly chick.
I’ve watched every shot of the Masters on TV since 1997 and I can say without reservation this was hands down the most boring. When the TV ratings come out this week I can tell you with almost 100% certainty it will be the lowest rated Masters weekend on CBS in over 20 years. I know the Thursday/Friday ESPN ratings alone were 50% lower than 2013.
Say what you want about Tiger, but golf, and especially the Masters, is much more entertaining with him in the mix; win or lose. Tiger doesn’t move the needle, Tiger IS the needle. On a lesser degree throw in Phil, Rory, Scott, etc. Look, the Masters is all about fireworks and those guys light the fuse. If Matt Kuchar and Jonas Blixt are your best hope to catch the leaders late on Sunday, you're in for a boring day.
The Masters is a crowded and talented leaderboard all making birdies and eagles on the back nine Sunday. Its guys two or three holes ahead of the leaders sending roars through the grounds and having the last group counter punch right back at them. The 2014 Masters was anything but that. It was a two-man match play event with a premium on making pars. Watson and Spieth COMBINED for one birdie on the back nine Sunday…and that was a two-putt on 13 by Bubba. Throw in Blixt and Kuchar and the final two groups combined for THREE birdies on the back nine on Sunday at Augusta…no thanks. The US Open at Oakmont provided more birdies than that on Sunday. I honestly felt like there were stretches of over an hour CBS didn’t show a single birdie being made late on Sunday. That’s not that Masters, that’s the second flight at your Club Championship.
I would blame the course set up this week but Billy Payne is the most powerful man in the world and could not only make sure that I am eliminated, but that I never existed in the first place. So I will blame the players.
With that said, congratulations to Bubba Watson. My wife loves him, as for me, I just can’t really get on-board with him for whatever reason. The whole “Bubba golf” thing is just stupid to me, and to be really honest I can’t tell if he is being genuine or just that good at playing the media and the thus the public? You know how shady those left-handers can be. I can tell you one thing, Mickelson needs to watch his back because Bubba is on a mission to pass him as the most caring father and husband on the PGA Tour. My only request for Bubba is please try and step up your champion’s dinner menu next year. Last year he served Caesar salad, grilled chicken, green beans, corn and vanilla ice cream. Really? That menu reads like a Tuesday night dinner at my house, not a Masters Champion’s dinner.
The whole week was rather dull to be honest. Starting with the Par 3 on Wednesday, it was painful watching Arnie struggle to get to the green on 100 yard holes. At 84 it might be time to hang it up Arnie. The good news of course is that he is still the king and it's good to be king.
Note to Dustin Johnson, not using Paulina as your caddie for the Par 3 contest on Wednesday obviously upset the golf gods. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
An actual tweet I saw on Wednesday. “I know Tiger Woods is not playing @The_Masters but couldn’t he caddy in the par 3 tourney just for fun?” Ummm, really? What a great question. I’ve always heard the best way to recover from back surgery is to lug a golf bag around for 9 holes. The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me.
Congratulations to FIGJAM, DJ, Dufner, Reed, Els, Webb, Keegan, McDowell, Z. Johnson, Donald and Sergio…you all finished behind Sandy Lyle and Larry Mize. Let that sink in for a second. Which of course also explains why the weekend was so boring.
On that note, congratulations to Rory on getting beat Saturday by a guy that wasn't even in the field.
The two coolest 50+ year-olds on the planet not only made the weekend, but legitimately contended over the weekend. I’ve decided Fred Couples at Augusta is like a stripper; every year he gets you all excited but inevitably leaves you high and dry. He lures you into believing there is actually a chance he could win again and just when you have convinced yourself this could actually happen, he might actually do this…BAM, denied.
Speaking of strippers, how about my man Miguel Ángel Jiménez. If there is a more interesting man in the world I have yet to hear about him. The cigars, the ponytail, the cars, the whiskey, the wine, the women…this man is simply as cool as it gets. Even at 50 he throws up a little 66 on Saturday and closes with a 4th place finish.
Matt Kuchar will be the greatest senior PGA tour player of all-time. The guy is the best 54-hole player I have ever seen. On Sunday he tied for the lead when he chipped in on the 3rd hole only to immediately 4 putt the 4th. It’s like he's allergic to leading a golf tournament, I don’t understand it. Are Kuchar and Jim Furyk related?
Dear AT&T, is Zach Johnson really the best you could do for your commercial about taking the pledge to not text and drive? While we’re at it, if I never hear the song “Wouldn't It Be Nice” again it will be too soon. They may only air four minutes of commercials an hour but I swear that song took up all four minutes each hour.
All joking aside, if Rickie Fowler doesn’t win a PGA Tour event soon the way he is hitting right now, he will never win again on tour. It wouldn’t shock me if he won in the next six weeks.
Finally, Jordan Spieth. My man. People will say he “showed his age” a few times on Sunday when things started to get tough. Here’s a newsflash for those people, it was late Sunday afternoon at the Masters; I don’t care if you are 20 or 40, if you are in contention at the Masters you aren’t human if you don’t show some sort of emotion. Will he get better under those situations? Of course he will, he’s TWENTY FRICKIN’ YEARS OLD but I think overall what he did this weekend was nothing short of incredible. I don’t think his story is getting near the attention or credit it deserves.
My favorite quote this week was from Jordan’s dad when ask about his decision to leave Texas early to play on tour. Mr. Spieth said, “I went from the father of a college drop out to the proud father of a college drop out.” (After he won the John Deere last year).
What’s not to love about this kid? He’s 20-years-old, is ranked in the top 10 in the world, has a smoking hot girlfriend, is silly good at golf and he might even be more impressive off the course than he is on it. Oh yeah, and he was in the final group on Sunday at the Masters. That’s insane.
Jordan Spieth will win at least one Green Jacket in his career…that much I’m sure of. I just hope he serves something more exciting than grilled chicken and green beans.
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