PGA All-Star Weekend
February 17, 2014
By Dan Daly
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By and large All-Star games/weekends are a waste of time. The NFL Pro Bowl is so bad they are actually debating ending it altogether (which I hope they do). The MLB All-Star game is stupid because…well, its baseball and it effects the World Series which is even worse. The Home Run derby used to be cool but Chris Berman and steroids have ruined that. I honestly don't even know if they have an NHL All-Star game because I don't live in Canada? However the NBA All-Star weekend is actually somewhat entertaining. So in honor of the NBA All-Star weekend I wanted to submit my brilliant plan to commissioner Finchem for a PGA All-Star weekend and that's what I am going to model my plan around.
Here's how you make it good.
First, it's entirely fan based voting. All players that are voted in must play unless they are truly injured (and no Rory, a toothache doesn't count), otherwise they are fined.
Second, on Saturday you would have skills competitions similar to the NBA. On these you can even include Senior Tour Players as well. Instead of a three point contest, you have driving range carts going back and forth at 100, 150, 200, 250 and 300 yards. Each player gets one shot (three rounds) at each distance to try and hit the cart and the further the shot, the higher the point total. You mean to tell me you wouldn't tune in for that? Who doesn't love hitting balls at the driving range cart?
Instead of the dunk contest you have a trick shot competition where each player comes up with the best trick shot they can hit. They get 5 chances to pull it off and they get a score from the judges. I want to see Bubba Watson vs Phil Mickelson, you know that would be entertaining.
Finally on Saturday you have a skills competition where they set up pre-determined shots each player has to hit, think Big Break. Who can break the most glass cut-outs in 60 seconds? Who can bounce it off their wedge 5 times and hit it closest to the hole from 75 yards. Things like that.
Third, for the "All-Star game" itself on Sunday, you have the top 10 players voted on by the fans play a college style 5 on 5, 18-hole match play event. The team that gets three points wins (no halves).
The teams are voted on by age. You have the under 35 team and the over 35 team. Once each team is voted on then the fans also get to vote on the match-ups. It may not be the ten best players on tour, but then again the All-Star games never are anyway.
Since I am making this up as I go, I will go ahead and give you the 2014 PGA Tour All-Star game teams.
For the under 35 squad you have Spieth, Rory, Adam Scott, DJ and Snedeker with Keegan Bradley as first alternate. Sorry, but I refuse to put Rickie Fowler on an "All-Star" team until he actually wins more than one tournament and Justin Rose is just a little too boring for me. Team Captain - John Daly.
For the over 35 squad you have Tiger, Phil, Freddy, Dufner and obviously Miguel Jimenez with Boo Weekley as first alternate. Team Captain - Jack
Your 18-hole match-ups would be as follows:
Group 1 - Snedeker vs. Dufner, SEC…SEC…SEC. In the battle of the SEC, Snedeker puts up a good fight but Dufner hits every fairway and every green in route to a 2&1 win because everyone knows the SEC West beats the SEC East every time.
Group 2 - Jimenez vs. Scott, the most interesting man in the world vs his protégé. Jimenez keeps it interesting by taking Scott to extra holes because, well, he is the most interesting man in the world but Scott proves to be too much for him and wins in 21 holes.
Group 3 - Spieth vs. Freddy, new school cool, vs. old school cool. Spieth may go on to break every record in the book and jumps out to an early lead in this one but Freddy gets the better of him in this matchup winning 1-up on the 18th hole because old school beats new school every time.
Group 4 - Phil vs. DJ, just so their wives can walk together and be on camera the entire time. Paulina wears a low cut top and a short skirt and bends over to pick up her phone every time Phil putts which leads to an easy 6&5 victory for DJ.
Group 5 - Tiger vs. Rory, just because. Tiger and Rory put on a match play for the ages. Alternating birdies for 18 holes the match goes into sudden death. Walking to the 19th hole Rory slips and falls on the cart path and breaks his arm. Unable to play and with Keegan nowhere to be found Captain John Daly steps in for Rory where he holes out for eagle and the 1-up win for the Under 35 team leading them to an overall 3&2 victory.
The after party at Hooter's goes down as one of the most legendary parties ever and rumor has it that Adam Scott, Freddy and Jimenez are seen leaving around 5:00 am with 12 bikini models from the Hooter's calendar.
Yeah, I can get on board with a PGA Tour All-Star weekend. Make it happen Commissioner Finchem!